Yep, that’s me singing into my cell phone!…this is pure joy! Truth be told..I am one of those god awful singers who loves to sing so I belt it out, but the louder I sing the more ridiculously off key I am… But that doesn’t stop me from singing my heart out and and feeling absolute joy! (it helps to have headphones on so I can’t actually hear myself singing..LOL).
If you practice this principle regularly, your “Joy-O-Meter” will reach an all time high!
If you want more joy in your life, this is the principle you must practice:
YOU MUST MAKE YOUR OWN NEEDS, HAPPINESS AND JOY THE NUMBER ONE PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE.
I know, I know….I usually get an assortment of confused faces, blank stares and icy glares ….and then, the question….
Isn’t that totally selfish????
NO. NO. NO.
We have had this formula backwards for too long and I’d like to set the record straight. (I am in no way implying that you should ignore the needs of your children, family or employees, (or anyone)…but with this mindset you WILL be able to tend to them in a way that feels good for both YOU and THEM). This is a win-win approach.
Here’s the deal…making your needs your first priority is not selfish, it is simply self care, and it is absolutely necessary. The concept of “selfish” and the concept of “self-care” exist on opposite ends of the spectrum.
There’s a very logical reason for why this is so…let me explain.
When we choose to give ourselves what it is that we need and want and we do so lovingly, something magic happens. By filling up our own cup first, we find that we have a natural surplus of energy, therefore we have much more to give to others, and we find ourselves giving it freely and authentically; our cup literally runneth over. From this space of being we genuinely WANT to give of ourselves and share our joy.
When you take good care of yourself and show up fulfilled and happy, people pick up on your “good vibes”, because they are experiencing you energetically, and they then “know” that you want to be there with them. By showing up in this positive radiating energy you are a blessing to all who encounter you. Your loved one is likely to feel the love emanating from you, and they will more naturally want give that in return.
On the contrary, living from the erroneous notion that we must put others needs before our own, actually does the opposite. By neglecting your own needs, we begin our day operating from a deficit, because our well is empty. We all have needs, its simply part of being human and ignoring them is, well, irresponsible. When your car runs out of gas you fill up the tank, right? So why are we so reluctant to fill up our own tanks? Why are we treating our cars better than we treat ourselves? Hmmmnn? I, too, operated from this old paradigm for many years and know firsthand how much more difficult life is from this place. I recall clearly that feeling joyful and happy was not experienced often. I also know, with certainty that this can all change, and it does not have to take a long time.
It doesn’t take much to plug into a joyful way of being. What you’re doing is choosing to utilize your own precious resources of time, love, joy and presence and channel them in the right direction so that they infuse you with the joyful feelings you most desire…its almost as if you are taking a joy bath. (Doesn’t that sound like fun?)
This is not rocket science. These are energetic gifts you can “download” to yourself in very little time. They exist right inside of you. All you need to do to access them is to stop, breathe, be present and focus on the things that bring you joy and make you happy. Pay attention to the energy that it cultivates, and watch it expand.
We really do have a responsibility to take the best possible care of ourselves, so I suggest giving yourself adequate time to meet all your needs. I understand that you may not be able to tend to them all at one time. In that case, take the time to plan for what you need, put your needs on your to do list, even calendarize them.
Remember, it is up to you, not anyone else, to meet your needs. Some relationships might have unspoken agreements to meet one another’s needs in mutually beneficial ways, which can be wonderful, but at the end of the day, you are the one in charge of knowing what your needs are, and how to get them met. I cannot emphasize enough that this is the most important thing for you to do.
Over time, you will find this much easier, and eventually you won’t give it a second thought, you’ll find yourself drawing your needs and wants effortlessly. When you get there, you are likely to find yourself enjoying life on a whole new level of consciousness because you will have established a pattern of regular connection with your source as you become acquainted with the truth of who you are, and this will astound you. You will smile as you realize that heaven on earth was not just a pie in the sky fairy tale. You will understand that it was always available, but because you weren’t living from a place of “being” that would give you access to it, it alluded you, that is, until now. You will then know that it is not only achievable, but a breathtakingly beautiful reality that you experience most of the time. The people who live their lives from authentic self love, joy and connection to their source are the happiest people on earth.
For many of us, especially women, this may be an arduous re-programming. We may have to work a little harder to overcome the internal programming that has told us that it’s selfish or narcissistic to put ourselves first. Others may judge and accuse you of being selfishness. And you will know better. Remember, that they, too have been programmed in the same way. I would suggest that you stay focused on your own transformation before you share this with others.
Change is not easy, if it were everyone would be happy as could be. Change requires commitment, perseverance, discipline, faith in yourself and an unshakeable, passionate desire to achieve the results. Once we commit to change we must immediately create new habits, anchors, rituals and reminders that point the way to success in achieving the benefits that result from regularly practicing self love and joy. This actually applies to any goal that you seek.
It is my opinion that the most important thing you can ever develop is self love. All good things in life flow from here, and the adverse is true, the majority of dysfunction and personal problems stem from the lack of it.
When we don’t love, respect and honor our wonderful selves we pay a high price; we wind up depressed, depleted, exhausted and often resentful. This shows up in the form of illness, disease, toxic or unsatisfying relationships, addictive behavior, even homicide and suicide. Unfortunately, there is so much more I could add to this list. The good news is that it can all be overcome.
When you have not given yourself what you need and desire you are probably not enjoying your life very much. People can feel this, they can sense your dissatisfaction especially those closest to you.
Lets face it, No one likes to be around someone whose in a bad mood, depressed, whining or obviously bored or irritated and is communicating clearly that they are not happy where they are. Unfortunately, this negative energy can impact a lot of people and it literally brings the energy down.
Heres an example to demonstrate this, let’s say you agree to visit your mother but you’ve habitually neglected your needs, and you’re sleep deprived, stressed, and so busy you haven’t even stopped to eat, but you force yourself to go see her out of duty, because you don’t want to disappoint her. In a sense you are coming from a thoughtful place, but it is misguided and it backfires. Your mother, especially, will intuitively know, she can feel your energy, she will sense that you don’t want to be there. When you show up depleted you are not likely to greet her with any real attentiveness, presence, or love. You are more likely to cut her off, ignore her attempts at connection and spend time complaining about yourself. I see this phenomenon way too often, and it saddens me. Doesn’t it make more sense to call your mother, be honest, reschedule and show up when your cup is full? Your mother deserves that and so do you.
Without consistent attention to self care, connection with your source and allowing yourself to experience joy we negatively impact the most important thing in our lives – our relationships with others, especially our our loved ones. Authentic, loving, meaningful connections are much harder to create and maintain when we show up in a negative space. No matter what we say or how we spin it, the people who are close to us can feel our energy and lack of presence. It might not be mentioned, but it is felt. In fact, this energy is the most telling of all things. It’s not what people say, its how they are “being”.
People may not always remember what you said but they will ALWAYS remember how you made them feel.
What if, unbeknownst to you, you were visiting with your mother, but it was the very last time you would ever see her? How would you feel if on this visit you were distracted and irritable, offered very little, certainly not love or affection. While your Mom asked you questions out of sincere interest, you shut her down because you didn’t want to get into it, because you had so much to do, most of the time stayed focused on your cell phone, barely even glancing up at her. You gave nothing because you had nothing to give. Showing up in that place and taking these actions would have communicated to her that she mattered very little. If this were to happen, wouldn’t it wind up being one of your greatest regrets?
Don’t forget this. You do not want to live with this type of regret.
Ideally all communication should be met with the fullness of your being, which means you are 100% present and easily able to communicate love, value others, offer compassion, kindness and value who you see just through the way you are “being”, in other words, you are being your highest self.
This is the most important gift we have to give others, our total presence of being. It is also the greatest gift we can give to ourselves because it is where we find joy. In being truly present, joy comes about effortlessly. You will often find yourself experiencing great joy over the simplest things. Your joy will magnify and expand as you embrace this way of being.
Someone who has taken time to lovingly fill their cup and joyfully meet their needs brings an undeniably radiant presence that is contagious to everyone. Their presence naturally and powerfully blesses everyone without any effort at all. You also have this power inside of you and it is always available to you and for you.
So I ask you, what are you going to do to live from this place of loving and honoring who you are and experiencing JOY?
Are you willing to make this a habit in your life so that your life becomes all that you want it to be?
I suggest that you make a list of all the things (big and small that bring you joy), and keep adding to it. Keep this list in a place so that you are making a habit of practicing joy and self love.
Here are some of the benefits I and many of my clients get from regularly practicing Self Love and Joy:
-brilliant ideas come to me out of nowhere
-I get answers to problems that i was struggling over
-my creativity is ignited exponentially
-I feel like a child playing
-I am much more spontaneous
-Financial abundance is always expanding
-I draw interesting people & experiences
-I trust life and others
-my relationships are way more satisfying
-I find opportunity in so many places
-I feel deeply connected to others (known or not)
-I laugh and smile a lot
-I am relatively unflappable
-I feel my worth and value
-I see beauty in everyone
-I am fascinated by the simplest things
-I want to share it (joy) with others
-I have a natural desire to serve others
-I no longer know fear, doubt, lack, scarcity, shame (they used to be constant companions).
So, I invite you to treat your wonderful self to a juicy slice of JOY as often as you can. You will notice profound changes in your life. I have been amazed, delighted and astounded by this work and it has changed the lens from which I view life. It is so much more magical, enchanting, exciting, fun, and even a whole lot easier from this new perspective. I want to point out that you will not receive the benefits by just making the list, you have to take action, and do so consistently. This is about cultivating and expanding upon the ENERGY OF JOY and then watching all the miracles that show up in your life…(and oh, they will).
With Much Love,